Dating as an adult
You will be able to see your partner more clearly for who they really are.This can result in a positive regard which is much more realistic and stable This time the positive is not the positive fantasy that grows from negative fantasy.This positive fantasy will have a stronger basis is reality.
We learn to pick up more quickly on those situations in which our partner is attributing something to us which actually is an issue from their past.
Of course, since we, at the same time, have been doing the same thing to our partner (that is, laying our past on them), we must also inevitably return to our own past.
The crisis created when fantasy and reality meet in a new dating relationship cannot be resolved at the level of fantasy. However, as the crisis plays out, the “past” begins to make an appearance: “You are just like my ex-husband”; “My mother treated me the same way you are treating me now.”This is a critical turn of events. The “bit of truth in the present” is now seen to have a long history.
Relationship disappointments are experienced, at least initially, “in the present” (“You are my problem.”).
Here, relationship expert and author Ana Weber fleshes out how each of these five college relationships influences the kind of adult partner you'll become.